Look for the silver lining

Revelation 10:1

Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven. He was robed in a cloud, with a rainbow above his head; his face was like the sun, and his legs were like fiery pillars. and he gave a loud shout like the roar of a lion.

I spent the last 1.5 hours on Instagram watching reels about the forest fires in LA. There’s a conspiracy theory that the fires were caused by big corporations and weren’t entirely a natural disaster. I watched reels about that too. Reports surfaced about plasma orbs spotted in the New Jersey sky. People are claiming it’s a sign of a biblical creature, heralding Jesus’s arrival - I saw reels about that too. 15 odd reels. Some say it’s an alien. Neil is confused about it too. It’s been revealed that it’s some plasmoid structure that happens to be sentient in nature. Earthquake warnings, climate crises, the return of Jesus—I’m still here with so much laundry to do and my neck hurts. 

“Why is it always fucking America?!” I yelled at a friend.

“It’s not just America, but fine,” they said.

“It’s American corporations, Chinese pharmaceuticals, factories… anyway.” I trailed off, realizing I wasn’t up for the debate. 

“Dude, what if God is real?” I cried out to another friend.

“Would you suddenly get religious if Jesus showed up?” she asked, half-laughing.

“No,” I shot back, firm.

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about,” she said, giving me a pixelated thumbs up for reassurance.

I sit in this room, staring at my Mother India poster, its edges torn. Warm feet. Cold hands. Heart heavier than my head. Alone. Lonely.The world feels denser than usual, its weight pressing down on my chest, choking me with the unforgiving truth of reality. I can’t take it - tonight. “Hold me.”, I whisper - my voice swallowed by the void. This isn’t supposed to be poetic. I really need to get back to my life. I need a wand. Or a potion. Some sleep would be ideal but I have watched too much “news”. Should I try pacing around? My therapist suggests I dip my face in ice-cold water when I feel a panic attack creeping in. It’s 7 degrees outside. 

I counted to 100. Then backwards. Felt like a child—punished, embarrassed. Why am I acting like this? It’s just a few feeling-less psychopaths running the world for their own interest destroying everything in the process and no matter how much we shout or even sacrifice ourselves nothing changes and instead of holding them accountable and boycotting what they push we put them on Forbes covers. That’s it. It’s whatever. Maybe I should just focus on myself. Pfh. Nonsense. Therapy feels pointless. When has any real revolution happened while people focused only on what they could control? Try that logic with Savitribai. Or Angela Davis.

Anyway, I need to soak some walnuts and plug my phone in for charge—on this mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

Love,

K